Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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