Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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