maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
