he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
