well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
