Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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