I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
