3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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