Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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