I bet he comes in French.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
