I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
