oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
