i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
