I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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