you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize