id be glad to
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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