Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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