you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
