Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
