hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
