out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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