is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize