i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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