There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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