Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
