He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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