I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
