I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
