i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
