I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need to calm my uterus...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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