he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize