currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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