sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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