On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if only i could text you this smell
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
