I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
