I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
