is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize