All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
