i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
