I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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