Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
