What a fucking waste of an outfit
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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