Can i not drive my cunt home
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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