I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
