All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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