I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
