bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
