just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
