The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
