all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize