I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
