I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
