Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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