I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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