Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
