Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
a search helicopter?!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
