go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
