i think my tv is drunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
