you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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