Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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