Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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