the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
