absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
