Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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