Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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