i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
